Well, I can't say I wasn't partly expecting it, but yesterday I got the call- Evan's teacher is submitting his name to the resource teacher as one of the students that needs to be observed, as she said "to see if there's anything more I can do to help him with his social skills and with focusing."
When we had our parent-teacher conference just a few weeks ago, she indicated that she'd been worried about his focusing (or lack thereof) when school first started, but that he'd improved, and was similar to his peers in that regard. Talking yesterday, we discussed the fact that he can have intense and prolonged attention to stories, presentations, etc, but doesn't seem to listen to directions. She said that he tends to get his cues on what to do from what the other kids do, not from listening to her.
So, I feel quite a mixture of things. I've never exactly figured that Evan was what you might call "normal", but then what he is doesn't exactly fit neat and tidy diagnoses either. My heart's a little heavy as it wonders things like: Down the line, will they want me to medicate him? Sugar free diets have helped some of Nathan's cousins with their attention problems. The idea of trying to go sugar free with my sweet-toothed boy, when we already cook gluten, dairy, salt and sometimes corn free makes feel a little weepy... Will this label him? (I think every parent wants their child to be seeing as a whole, unique person, and not by identifying characteristics or problems). What really would help him focus? Is he just a visual/kinesthetic learner, and struggles when instructions are solely auditory?
When we had our parent-teacher conference just a few weeks ago, she indicated that she'd been worried about his focusing (or lack thereof) when school first started, but that he'd improved, and was similar to his peers in that regard. Talking yesterday, we discussed the fact that he can have intense and prolonged attention to stories, presentations, etc, but doesn't seem to listen to directions. She said that he tends to get his cues on what to do from what the other kids do, not from listening to her.
So, I feel quite a mixture of things. I've never exactly figured that Evan was what you might call "normal", but then what he is doesn't exactly fit neat and tidy diagnoses either. My heart's a little heavy as it wonders things like: Down the line, will they want me to medicate him? Sugar free diets have helped some of Nathan's cousins with their attention problems. The idea of trying to go sugar free with my sweet-toothed boy, when we already cook gluten, dairy, salt and sometimes corn free makes feel a little weepy... Will this label him? (I think every parent wants their child to be seeing as a whole, unique person, and not by identifying characteristics or problems). What really would help him focus? Is he just a visual/kinesthetic learner, and struggles when instructions are solely auditory?
I guess I'm also mourning a little bit the fact that this second month of school has been really good-Evan has been loving riding the bus, enjoying school, liking his teacher-and I've had a bit more time to try to keep up with a life that just doesn't want to slow down. I know what it's like to invest huge chunks of time in therapy for Evan- I've done that when Evan was an infant and was in physical therapy for torticollis. I did it again when Evan was 3 and was in occupational therapy for a fine motor delay and sensory integration problems.
I know that when it comes down to it, my problems are small compared to so many others. I guess I'm just gearing up to square my shoulders and bear what comes next. But I think I'll go have a good cry first. :)
I know that when it comes down to it, my problems are small compared to so many others. I guess I'm just gearing up to square my shoulders and bear what comes next. But I think I'll go have a good cry first. :)
6 comments:
Oh, Rebecca, I'm sorry. You are such an amazing mom and Evan is an incredible kid. He is bright and curious and very advanced in so many ways. He is so lucky to have such a supportive family. You and Nathan have been so wonderful with him.
As a teacher, though, I would probably want to do what I could to help him and that would include having the resource teacher observe him if I thought that might help. It has been interesting this year to have Michelle in kinder and to see school through both lenses... as a parent and a teacher. I want her teacher to see how truly special she is (and every child is!), but know as a teacher that it is hard to do with so many kids and so little time. It makes me want to try harder to be patient with and love every student for their unique personalities.
I'm thinking of you and your family and wish I was there to talk with you in person!
Becky, thanks for sharing this experience and current concerns. Going through this kindergarten experience with Sam right now and sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for more phone calls or notes in the backpack makes me feel like I can empathize a little. Sam and Evan are both two different guys with different issues BUT honestly I think they are both highly intelligent and we just have to keep figuring out how to best bring out their strengths. I'm not wishing away time but I do day dream about what life will be like for Sam when he is 19 and old enough for a mission. Sometimes I think, wow I can just picture him being quite the fireball. :) I think that hoping for great things in the future helps me get through the challenges of the day. I have NO doubt that Evan will grow up to be some amazingly talented boy (because he is already so the future is very bright) whose life is not defined by problems. Hang in there, my heart is with you!
I am always available to have a good cry with you. :)
Becky,
Its never fun to prepare for something you are certainly not looking forward too. But you are an incredible mom. Evan is obviously a very intelligent boy. Your theory on learning styles/behaviors is very reasonable.
Though it is different, I'll add this as well - Grace is doing speech therapy this year. I was concerned about her being pulled from class to do this, how she'd be perceived by her peers, etc. The speech therapist said at this age the kids think its pretty cool when they get to leave class and go with another teacher. In fact kids that don't get to leave try to convince their teacher that they need to go too. During this time they get more one-on-one time. She said its the same for the kids that go to resource as well.
You are one tough (lovely of course, but tough when necessary) gal. You can do whatever it takes. I've seen you roll up your sleeves and tackle big-time problems head on. And your results are amazing.
We will pray for you and Nathan and Evan and your girls. And we will pray that Evan's teacher(s) will find solutions to fit Evan's needs.
Love your Midwesternly friends,
Sarah & Nate
What a blessing to have such supportive people who care about me! It reminds me how truly lucky I am. Thanks for the reminders!
I've often seen the same things that Sarah described. Many kids, especially young ones, want to go to speech or resource. It is "fun" and "cool" and they do get more attention because they are in a smaller group (or one on one) setting. And resource teachers do have different training than regular classroom teachers and sometimes they can do some things that the classroom teacher can't. OR they can give us classroom teachers ideas for how to better help a child. I'll try to call you this week while I"m off so we can talk more. I second the things said about how great a mom and how strong you are!! It will be all right (but is still hard at the moment!)
Seems like one of the things we dreaded most about sending our children out into the world was that the people out there wouldn't find them as delightful and brilliant as we do. We just got Nora's report card back for her first term of Kindergarten, and it was a shock to our systems. Not at all what we expected. Her teacher doesn't seem to think Nora's anything special at all. I, being pregnant, cried, and Bryan, influenced by my freakout, suggested we could go together to the PT Conference and explain how since he was a PhD in Education and I was a former teacher, our daughter couldn't possibly be merely average. Several days of reflection have calmed us a little. We'll probably leave the weapons (or academic degrees) at home, now. But it still hurts. In some ways it feels like me in my role as a mother that the teacher is rating. It plays to all my current insecurities and adds new ones.
This is a long way of saying I feel for you in your situation with Evan. I hope everything goes well!
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